I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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