So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
