i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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