I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
