It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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