every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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