god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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