Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize