I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When are your genitals available?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
