I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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