I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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