swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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