And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
