see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize