so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
