i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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