Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
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I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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