I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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