She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
