are you still at the devil's house?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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