apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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