you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
