Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
