Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
