First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What a dumb baby whore.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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