quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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