My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
