I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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