just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
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Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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