Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
