well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
