I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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