Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize