my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
