I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
