WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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