I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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