Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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