she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
