When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
