Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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