I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
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I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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