he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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