My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
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You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
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I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Come share oat with me in your robe
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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