i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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