Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
