On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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