You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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