"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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