You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
