i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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