Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
