Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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