Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am one with the molecules
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
