Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof