there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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