So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
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You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
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Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood