Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
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Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry about my life...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks