Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank