May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
