no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
