Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize