saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We got so high we made milksteak
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize