I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
