You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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