I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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