We need to rekindle our bromance
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
