I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
