Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
