they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
