U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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