thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
