What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
