Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

You kept calling me your small dog last night.

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(440): View more from Ohio

We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.

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(817): View more from Texas

she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.

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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it

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(619): View more from California

He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings

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(513): View more from Ohio

This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?

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(631): View more from New York

Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are

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