I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
