Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
