Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
