I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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